Letting Go Of What Others Think.

There will be people who don’t like you. In fact, they may even hate you.

There will be people who don’t understand or agree with your plans and goals.

There will be people who treat you poorly because they are jealous or intimidated by your achievements.

There will be people who treat you as a reflection of their own insecurities.

There will be people who take out their anger on you, even if it has nothing to do with you.

There will be people who think you’ve made bad decisions with your schooling, job, home choice, or anything else you do.

And to be honest, even though I know and am aware of all of the above, it may just be one of the hardest pills for me to swallow.

Disclaimer before we get into this too far: it’s okay to seek opinions and guidance from others, make decisions with your spouse, or make certain choices based on the effect it may have on others. Often times, it can be beneficial to work through issues with others, seek their guidance or wisdom, and then make your own decision with those ideas in mind. The point of this post is that you should not live your life making all of your choices based on the harsh, selfish, or critical judgement of others, or the judgment of others who simply aren’t in your shoes. That is all.

To keep this organized, let’s split this up into a few different categories stemming from my list above.

This person hates me, and I don’t understand why.

Well, good news! You don’t have to understand why. If you’ve done your share of soul searching and feel like you have not wronged that person, then let it go. Not everyone is going to like you. You don’t like everyone either, right? Not everyone has compatible personalities, and not everyone is kind. Some people may dislike you for selfish reasons or insecurities, while others may just not like who you are or how you act. It doesn’t feel good to not be liked, but it’s something we have to learn to let go of. Oftentimes, when people are unkind, it stems from themselves. It could be something that they are going through (not a justification, of course, but it could be correlated), or they could be jealous of you or your life. Regardless of the reason, it’s best to just be yourself, be loving to them, and let go of the bad feeling in your stomach caused by them not liking you, because it’s not worth it.

I really feel like I need to run my plans by other people and gain their approval before I make any decisions!

I often feel like I need to gain the approval of everyone around me before I make a choice. “Well, what do you think?” Followed by a lengthy explanation and justification about why the choice I want to make is the right one. The funny part is, we typically are looking for confirmation about a choice we already know that we want to make. It’s also reasonable to assume that some people may not agree with your plans because we often tend to think about choices in terms of what we would do, and not necessarily what makes sense for the other person to do.

I am really proud of myself for “__________,” but “________” seems upset about it.

There will always, always, always be people who are in some sort of silent competition with you, and it’s typically pretty easy to spot. Once again, there’s nothing that you can do about this except for let it go. Typically this stems from an insecurity within themselves and has absolutely nothing to do with you. I mean, why would anyone be unhappy for your achievements if it did not somehow intimidate them, right? But again, this is not your problem to worry about. Keep reaching your goals. Be humble, of course, but enjoy the successes that God gives you, too, without letting the opinions of others bring you down.

“________” Is really unkind to me, but I never did anything wrong to them.

I’m going to sound like a broken record, but AGAIN: it’s not your problem. Now, it’s always good to be introspective and ask yourself if maybe you did do something that could have made them not like you, or if you maybe had a misunderstanding, but typically if you’re one to wonder these things, you likely aren’t the issue. There’s a line between being a kind person and being a “people pleaser.” It’s a wonderful thing to be loving; it’s not loving to let people walk all over you or do whatever they want just to appease them.

I feel like I’ve been moving in the right direction with my life, but “_______” doesn’t seem to think so.

“Why are you going to school for _______?”

“Why would you live in _________?”

“Why would you want to _________?”

While it can be helpful to seek wisdom from other people, we shouldn’t really be basing our lives based on their opinions of what is a “good idea.” Maybe to them, the way you plan to live doesn’t sound enjoyable. Maybe the degree you want to go to school for sounds too difficult, too unreasonable. Maybe the place you want to live doesn’t have the kind of weather that they enjoy. But guesssssssss what? Just because it may not be enjoyable for them does NOT mean it won’t be enjoyable for you, and therefore you should not live your life according to their definition of a “good idea.”

I know that a lot of this sounded very repetitive, but that’s because all of this really boils down to this simple theme: there will always be people who judge, critique, and disagree with you, your goals, and your lifestyle. It could stem from some sort of insecurity, jealousy, or an external force that causes them to lash out at you as a form of release. No matter the reason, make sure that you’re not making decisions as a “people-pleaser.” Choose what is both morally correct and right for your lifestyle, and forget about what others have to say.

Train yourself to think for yourself.

Let yourself come up with ideas and plans that fit your lifestyle.

Let go of what others think.