Boundaries.
In today’s world, it’s really easy to become overwhelmed by the demands or expectations of society, other people, and jobs. Whether it’s the pressure to meet work deadlines, pick up extra shifts, respond to messages, or attend social gatherings, it can sometimes feel like there’s very little room left for you to just be.
Yet, within all of this, there is one key thing that can make a world of difference: boundaries.
Boundaries are not necessarily about building walls, but rather installing a door that can be opened or closed whenever you so choose. I mean, we have doors on our houses for a reason, right? We have doorbells that others can use to alert us of their presence, welcome mats… and also locks. Now, when a door is broken into too many times, it might be time to build a wall. But as long as the door is respected, there would be no reason for a wall. Make sense?
Doors, unlike walls, can change, and they have the ability to be opened at different times, for different reasons, and for different people. In the same way, boundaries are an essential tool in being able to maintain balance by ensuring that you’re not overextended or emotionally drained.
How to Start Setting Boundaries
The process of setting boundaries is deeply personal. What works for one person may not necessarily work for another, and that’s okay. Here are a few starting points to consider when defining your boundaries:
Recognize Your Limits: Pay attention to moments when you feel overwhelmed or stretched too thin. These are often signals that your boundaries need adjustment.
Learn to Say “No”: It might sound simple, but learning to say no—without guilt—is a powerful step in taking control of your time and energy. Even if you’re made to feel bad, such as an irritated manager saying “You never pick up extra shifts!”, remain steady. Now, we don’t have to become totally shut-off from the world or be abrasive, but when you’ve decided to say no for a reason, don’t let guilt-tripping change your answer.
Prioritize Your Well-Being: Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for others is to take care of yourself first. Your well-being should always come first, because it allows you to show up as your best self. If you cannot take care of yourself, you cannot be as well prepared to be available for others.
Remember Your Values: Sometimes your boundaries stem from a core-belief that you may have, and so you should never compromise them for the sake of others. Doing so can break down what is important to you and begin to open doors that you don’t want open.
Communicate with Compassion: Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being harsh or rigid. It’s about gently expressing your needs and creating a mutual understanding with those around you.
Respect Others' Boundaries: Just as you set boundaries for yourself, it’s important to recognise and respect the boundaries of others. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding.
What Do I Do if Someone Keeps Crossing My Boundaries?
In the unfortunate circumstance that your boundaries are continually crossed, or that door is constantly being barged into, it may be time to start building a more secure form of protection. The disrespect of boundaries is not something that you should take lightly, even if it seems to be small at first. Once you begin to let your guard down, that will be taken advantage of, and it will be much harder to get back to where you were before.
Kindly let them know that you feel as though your boundaries are being crossed. Whether it be a message, phone call, or in-person conversation, it’s always best to communicate how you’re feeling. Sometimes we don’t communicate our boundaries clearly enough, and this can cause some misunderstandings.
Stay firm, don’t give in. Don’t make exceptions here and there, and don’t give in. The more you give in, the more they will try to push you. Think about it: do we give kids candy when they’re throwing tantrums? No! This reinforces bad behavior and makes them more likely to try it again. Just because someone doesn’t agree with your boundaries doesn’t mean that they can cross them whenever they want. You may not agree with the speed limit in your town, but you still don’t get to speed just because you want to. Even if you think you have some sort of rationale as to why it should be 35 and not 25, the law is the law, and it’s to be respected. The same goes for boundaries.
Build stronger ones. As much as we would like to start with soft boundaries, sometimes we need to strengthen them or make them more defined in order to protect our well-being and ensure that our relationships remain healthy.
Cut ties. If a workplace, relationship, etc. becomes too toxic and boundaries continue to be crossed, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to cut ties. This is never an easy thing to do, and should be a final resort if you feel as though you have either 1. tried other methods or 2. the offending party simply has no respect for your boundaries and has continued to make that clear. The crossing of boundaries is almost never justified.
Boundaries are a must in life. Whether they be physical or invisible, boundaries are a way that we can protect ourselves from harm.
Don’t let anyone tell you that boundaries are toxic.
❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎
