“Faith” Is My Middle Name.

But I definitely don’t always act like it.

Yes, Faith is my legitimate middle name.

Metaphorically speaking, saying that “faith is my middle name” implies that faith is a defining part of my character or personality.

And as much as I would love for that to be 100% true, I will be completely honest and tell you that it’s not.

Yes, I have faith in God. I truly believe that “Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1.

However, I am not here to tell you that I am perfect. Being a Christian does not mean being perfect. In fact, it means kind of the opposite. It means that we recognize that we are a fallen and broken people in need of a savior.

Christians struggle. Our faith in God does not mean that we are always happy, always feeling blessed, or always… faithful.

Are we supposed to be faithful? Yep.

Do we fall short? All the time. To say otherwise is more than likely false.

It is very difficult to always feel like we trust God because sometimes, we are uncertain. Sometimes (most times) we really don’t understand why He is doing what He is doing, why He is making us wait so long.

But you know what? That’s okay. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure or a “bad person.” We are human.

What is important is that in these moments, we pray to God that He will help us in our unbelief and help us to trust Him and have faith in Him.

So, let’s get a little personal here.

Lately, I have been struggling immensely with having faith in Him. Things have been seemingly going… well… kind of awful. I have been upset and confused for quite some time… Until today. I finally came to the end of myself and surrendered control. Truly said, “God, I cannot do this on my own.”

I have discovered through so much prayer that a lot of my lack of faith stems from a desire to be in control. I say, “don’t worry God, I got this. I’ll figure it out, I have a plan!”

And boy let me tell you, that backfired. And it always will.

My anxiety and fear and desire to try and control my own life both led to and was caused by a lack of faith. I thought I could do it on my own, so I didn’t need faith… and at the same time, due to my lack of faith, I decided that I needed to take control.

Yet, when I look retrospectively, it’s so much easier to see why God was doing what He was doing. Each little “negative” thing that happened was for a greater purpose, and I’m so glad that things didn’t work out the way that I wanted them to. We always think that we know what’s best for us… And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Uncertainty about college, jobs that didn’t work out for me, and opportunities that I perceived as missed or failed.

Closed doors? Yes. But more importantly: redirections.

Redirections that took me down a path I never would have dreamed I would go down. I am in a place in life that I could not have ever predicted. And that is just how amazing God’s plan is for us. Each tiny piece of your life is an intricately designed part of His plan, and you have to trust it. Trust that He knows better than you do. Put away your pride, and surrender to Him.

So, even when it is hard and life feels messy, try to remember that some day, you’ll understand why.